Read the Bible

¹ We no more give honors to fools
    than pray for snow in summer or rain during harvest.

² You have as little to fear from an undeserved curse
    as from the dart of a wren or the swoop of a swallow.

³ A whip for the racehorse, a tiller for the sailboat—
and a stick for the back of fools!

⁴ Don't respond to the stupidity of a fool;
you'll only look foolish yourself.

⁵ Answer a fool in simple terms
so he doesn't get a swelled head.

⁶ You're only asking for trouble
when you send a message by a fool.

⁷ A proverb quoted by fools
is limp as a wet noodle.

⁸ Putting a fool in a place of honor
is like setting a mud brick on a marble column.

⁹ To ask a moron to quote a proverb
is like putting a scalpel in the hands of a drunk.

¹⁰ Hire a fool or a drunk
and you shoot yourself in the foot.

¹¹ As a dog eats its own vomit,
    so fools recycle silliness.

¹² See that man who thinks he's so smart?
    You can expect far more from a fool than from him.

¹³ Loafers say, "It's dangerous out there!
    Tigers are prowling the streets!"
    and then pull the covers back over their heads.

¹⁴ Just as a door turns on its hinges,
    so a lazybones turns back over in bed.

¹⁵ A shiftless sluggard puts his fork in the pie,
    but is too lazy to lift it to his mouth.

¹⁶ Dreamers fantasize their self-importance;
    they think they are smarter
    than a whole college faculty.

¹⁷ You grab a mad dog by the ears
    when you butt into a quarrel that's none of your business.^18-19 People who shrug off deliberate deceptions,
    saying, "I didn't mean it, I was only joking,"
Are worse than careless campers
    who walk away from smoldering campfires.

²⁰ When you run out of wood, the fire goes out;
    when the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down.

²¹ A quarrelsome person in a dispute
    is like kerosene thrown on a fire.

²² Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy;
    do you want junk like that in your belly?

²³ Smooth talk from an evil heart
    is like glaze on cracked pottery.^24-26 Your enemy shakes hands and greets you like an old friend,
    all the while conniving against you.
When he speaks warmly to you, don't believe him for a minute;
    he's just waiting for the chance to rip you off.
No matter how cunningly he conceals his malice,
    eventually his evil will be exposed in public.

²⁷ Malice backfires;
    spite boomerangs.

²⁸ Liars hate their victims;
    flatterers sabotage trust.