Pastoral Resources

In Hell all the messages you ever left on answering machines will be played back to you.

If the destination is heaven, why do we scramble to be first in line for hell?

Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed.

I'm not crazy about arenas just because I can sell them out. It doesn't do anything for my ego at all. I want to play places where people don't have to sit in the nosebleed seats and wonder what the hell is going on.

Hell is where everyone is doing his own thing. Paradise is where everyone is doing God's thing.

Christianity supplies a Hell for the people who disagree with you and a Heaven for your friends.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.

I gained 60 pounds, and I'm proud of it. Why do I need to watch my weight when I'm pregnant? I could eat whatever the hell I want to eat.

Hell is an outrage on humanity. When you tell me that your deity made you in his image, I reply that he must have been very ugly.

An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.

Well, pioneers always suffer. I don't care who is the first to embark upon things. For instance, settlers that settled the West, Western Canada and the U.S... they went though hell doing it, but it had to be done.

Heaven and hell suppose two distinct species of men, the good and the bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue.

The Senate is a place filled with goodwill and good intentions, and if the road to hell is paved with them, then it's a pretty good detour.

It's just as difficult to live in a self-made hell of privacy as it is to live in a self-made hell of publicity.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions; it's walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.

A belief in hell and the knowledge that every ambition is doomed to frustration at the hands of a skeleton have never prevented the majority of human beings from behaving as though death were no more than an unfounded rumor.

I hate thinking about it, teaching about it, and writing about it. But the plain truth is that hell is real and real people go there for eternity.

Let us put theology out of religion. Theology has always sent the worst to heaven, the best to hell.

I talk to people who are musicians, and they go, Oh this is hell. And I go, Are you kidding me? You never put tar paper on a roof, did ya?